True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
