Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
