i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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