I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
