How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
