that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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