I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
