My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
