I am spending my child support on dildos
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
