yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
