i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize