I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
