Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
