but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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