I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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