Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
