is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
