Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
