you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
