Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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