I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Enjoy the penises
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize