Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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