We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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