i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
