i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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