Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
