on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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