everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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