He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
