it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
