Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
