I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
