I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
