I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
