I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
