Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize