I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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