I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
