Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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