Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
