Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
