if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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