yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize