I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
