ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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