But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
