I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
