I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
