The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
