I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
