the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
