What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
