It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
