the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need moral support for this bender
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
