two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
