i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
