Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
