I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize