Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
