My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
