so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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