New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
