He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
