i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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