Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
