Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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