And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
