Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
