dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
