My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
