i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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