4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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