Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
