I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
