she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize