he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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