Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize