I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
