thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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