why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
