I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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