the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
