Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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